Time and Distance

It's amazing the difference that a few days and 600 miles can make. Following the events of last week, I drove 12 hours to my aunt's house in Raleigh, North Carolina. A few days of family, sun, and good conversation helped clear my head.

I've decided to move back to North Carolina. Back...what does that really mean? I left 10 years ago after my freshman year at UNC. I've never lived in NC as an adult - my only memories of Raleigh are orange construction barrels on the side of the highway, pulled pork, and Crabtree Valley Mall.

So much has changed since I left! For one Raleigh is HUGE! There is a new highway - 540. Several new shopping and dining areas, new housing developments everywhere, and a plethora of activities. I'd venture to compare it to Atlanta with a feeling of a small town. I forgot how pleasant Southeners can be and how their positive attitude brings my own out. I find myself smiling more, more relaxed, wearing less makeup, and more open to people. It's refreshing after the frigid politeness of New Englanders.

About a year and a half ago, a nagging voice inside of me told me to leave CT and head back South. I did not listen. This same voice told me that working for UPS was not for me. It was this same voice that begged me not to give up on my grad school applications. I did not listen. So I think me getting fired was God's way of making me listen to Him. He has my full attention.

While it is not the way I would have liked to move back to NC, the point is I am going. I now face the task of packing up my life from the last 5 years and fitting into a PODS unit. I am grateful to my aunt's generous offer to stay with her until I get my act together and figure out what I want to do.

What's also interesting is that the man I have loved since I was 22 is back in my life. I kicked him out with a force a few months ago because I felt that his presence was holding me back. He refuses to commit to us. Yet I have to admit that he knows me better than anyone else. I suppose that our relationship/friendship will eventually end when one of us finds our spouse. Until then I find his presence in my life calming and reassuring. Do I still love him? I am not sure. I think I am purposefully guarding my heart and emotions. I cannot allow myself to love a man who does not want to commit to us.

Tonight I watched the silliest version of Pride and Prejudice...from like 1654. It reminded me of Gone With the Wind with a bad British accent. Needless to say, I will not be purchasing that version on DVD for my collection...