Inspirational Lecture

Today I took advantage of the beautiful weather and took a long walk. During this walk I listened to a podcast from a lecture that Carly Fiorina gave at Stanford University earlier this year. It's amazingly motivating and reassuring - especially considering what I am currently going through. If you have a chance, you should check it out:


http://wall.willowcreek.com/leaders/2007_summit/session_2.asp

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

Time and Distance

It's amazing the difference that a few days and 600 miles can make. Following the events of last week, I drove 12 hours to my aunt's house in Raleigh, North Carolina. A few days of family, sun, and good conversation helped clear my head.

I've decided to move back to North Carolina. Back...what does that really mean? I left 10 years ago after my freshman year at UNC. I've never lived in NC as an adult - my only memories of Raleigh are orange construction barrels on the side of the highway, pulled pork, and Crabtree Valley Mall.

So much has changed since I left! For one Raleigh is HUGE! There is a new highway - 540. Several new shopping and dining areas, new housing developments everywhere, and a plethora of activities. I'd venture to compare it to Atlanta with a feeling of a small town. I forgot how pleasant Southeners can be and how their positive attitude brings my own out. I find myself smiling more, more relaxed, wearing less makeup, and more open to people. It's refreshing after the frigid politeness of New Englanders.

About a year and a half ago, a nagging voice inside of me told me to leave CT and head back South. I did not listen. This same voice told me that working for UPS was not for me. It was this same voice that begged me not to give up on my grad school applications. I did not listen. So I think me getting fired was God's way of making me listen to Him. He has my full attention.

While it is not the way I would have liked to move back to NC, the point is I am going. I now face the task of packing up my life from the last 5 years and fitting into a PODS unit. I am grateful to my aunt's generous offer to stay with her until I get my act together and figure out what I want to do.

What's also interesting is that the man I have loved since I was 22 is back in my life. I kicked him out with a force a few months ago because I felt that his presence was holding me back. He refuses to commit to us. Yet I have to admit that he knows me better than anyone else. I suppose that our relationship/friendship will eventually end when one of us finds our spouse. Until then I find his presence in my life calming and reassuring. Do I still love him? I am not sure. I think I am purposefully guarding my heart and emotions. I cannot allow myself to love a man who does not want to commit to us.

Tonight I watched the silliest version of Pride and Prejudice...from like 1654. It reminded me of Gone With the Wind with a bad British accent. Needless to say, I will not be purchasing that version on DVD for my collection...

Fired!

Well...I always thought that if I ever got fired it would be for gross negligence or for making such a big mistake that I could not have seen it coming. Instead, today, I got fired because the boss's wife, who is also a shareholder in the business, found me stand-offish. It's such a long story and I have told it so many times since it happened this afternoon. Who knows, I might get around to telling you all soon. But just know that my bags are packed and I heading down to North Carolina for some much needed family time and to get my head together.

Take care!

Never forget...

It's been said that people will remember exactly where they were and what they were doing when certain, major events occur.

People can tell you what they were doing when JFK was shot, when Princess Diana was killed, and I know where I was when 9/11 happened.

I can still remember one of my co-workers rushing in to say that the World Trade Center had just been hit by a plane. I was packing up my laptop to leave for a conference and I thought she was horribly mistaken. It was only 2 hours later, sitting on a train heading for Munich, that I learned that the was right.

Six years later the feelings of complete and utter sadness still overtake me on the anniversary of this tragedy. It's like I am reliving the feelings of being cut off from my family in the US for hours by busy trans-Atlantic phone lines...the shock at hearing the flights to the US from Frankfurt's airport had been suspended until further notice...and fearing the worst for my family that lived in NYC.

Then I am hit with the realization that I am lucky not to have lost any immediate family and then imagine what it must be like to be a relative of one of the victims today.

My prayers and thoughts go out to the victims and survivors of 9/11. More so my prayers are also with the troops who are fighting a mis-guided war yet they continue to bravely serve and some have made the ultimate sacrifice. I thank all of you for fighting for the privilege to live free.

We should never forget.

I almost snorted coffee through my nose watching this!

I was going to try and write something intelligent this morning, but when I saw this, all reason left my head and I just laughed. What really gets me is how coordinated they are. And yet there is a side of me that wonders if they are trying to send a message.

Enjoy! If you cannot see this, then go to youtube.com and search for "dancing inmates". As for me, I am giong to the gym to continue laughing!

Intelligent Rantings...

On the way home tonight (I did not leave the office until after 7pm) I felt the sudden weight of adulthood. And it made me wish for simpler times. What brought this on? Well...for those of you who are not aware, I just started a new job. And tonight, after the big boss left, the fun talk started. It's amazing what people will say when the big boss is not there. Seems that there are a lot of skeletons in the closet and lots of hurt feelings. And the most astonishing thing was that when they were contemplating whether or not to hire me, the owner and his wife seriously discussed asking me to sign a 5 year binding contract to work there. Um...hello...this is America. It's called employment at will. Even in the most socialist European country you cannot force a worker to stay.

So my head is still reeling from all the gossip and skeletons. I come home to find that my landlord has returned from his trip to his other home in California. I used to like my landlord. That was until I found out he was a cheating scumbag. He has a girlfriend, who is his business partner, who lives in California. He spends a few months in CA and then a few months out here with short jaunts in between. While he is here he rotates women. It's like a cycle: whenever he comes back for a few months, there is a new girl. He has admitted that if his girlfriend in CA found out she would leave him. So when I saw him and his new girlfriend as I pulled up, I got physically ill. The thought that he had probably, the night before, slept with his girlfriend in CA and is now going to do the deed with this one without 24 hours passing between the events was enough to make me wanna hurl. And some people wonder why I have a hard time trusting men? Think about it.

So why the full force of adulthood on my shoulders all of a sudden? Because I realize that I cannot run away. I cannot run from the control-freak boss. I cannot run from the dying city of Hartford. I cannot run from my sleazy landlord. I have to deal. Just deal with it.

I think that's the true meaning of adulthood and maturity - standing and dealing with the issues. It's not easy, but it will make you stronger. I also realized that this is where it is that much more important to just rely on God for strength. Because right now I am not even sure how I am going to handle walking into the office tomorrow. So I think I am going to just "take it to the Lord in prayer"...I've found it really helps to clear my mind and get a better night's sleep.

Later!

The joys of city livin'

As I sit here enjoying my own 30 Minute Meal, I smile listening to my neighbor across the street. I have yet to figure out which house it is, but one of my many neighbors across the street has a habit of blasting his/her music so that the passing public and neighborhood can enjoy it.

The selections depend on the time of the week. During the week s/he favors old school R&B such as Marvin Gaye, Luther Vandross, Anita Baker...back when they made good music that didn't call for women to shake their Laffy Taffy.

Then on the weekends s/he plays gospel music and recorded sermons. Not every weekend, but at least once a month.

I am not sure what the purpose of the music is, but I suspect it is a kind of musical fight against the ills that plague Hartford - violence, poverty, youth ambiguity. Like s/he wants to remind us of better times and give a message of hope.

Whatever his/her message is, it's a welcome one and adds a pleasant note to the cacophony of the city.

Ciao!